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第37部分（第2页）

Dan　opened　the　door　of　the　Buick　Skylark；　not　bothering　to　brush　off　the　inches　of　snow　that　clung　to　the　roof。　Serena　slid　silently　into　the　passenger　seat；　staring　straight　ahead。　She　was　trembling　ever　so　slightly；　but　Dan　didn’t　place　his　hand　on　her　knee。　He　didn’t　know　how　he　felt　yet。

Dan　began　to　drive；　slowly　following　the　signs　to　I…95。　The　car　felt　oddly　empty　without　Jenny。　He　still　couldn’t　believe　she’d　gone　off　with　Nate。　She’d　texted　Dan　to　let　him　know　that　she　was　safe　and　taken　care　of；　and　that　she’d　be　home　in　a　few　days。　The　fact　that　his　girlfriend　and　his　little　sister　had　both　fallen　for　that　guy’s　charms　was　seriously　fucked　up。

“Why　were　you　going　to　Nate’s　room？”　Dan　asked　once　they　were　on　the　highway。　It　was　the　first　sentence　he’d　spoken　since　they　left。

“I　don’t　know；”　Serena　said；　staring　straight　ahead。　Something　about　her　matter…of…fact　tone　made　Dan　know　she　was　telling　the　truth。　“I　think　I　mainly　just　wanted　to　talk　to　him。　To　see　him。　We’d　been　talking　about　the　old　days　and　it　just　brought　up　a　lot。”　Serena　took　a　napkin　from　the　cup　holder　and　began　ripping　it　into　smaller　and　smaller　pieces。

Dan　nodded。　That　sort　of　made　sense。　It　was　how　he　felt　when　he　was　texting　Vanessa。　Like　sliding　back　into　something　familiar。

“Would　you　have　slept　with　him？”　Dan　asked。

Serena　bit　her　lip。　Over　the　years；　whenever　she　and　Nate　were　alone　together；　things　happened　beyond　their　control。　But　that　was　in　the　past。　“No；”　Serena　decided。

“I　don’t　get　it；”　Dan　said　tightly。　“Are　you　in　love　with　him？”

Serena　sighed；　searching　for　the　words；　for　a　way　to　explain　the　whole　messy　situation　so　it　would　make　sense　to　Dan。　She　rubbed　her　hands　in　front　of　the　heater　to　warm　them。　How　could　she　answer　that？　“No。　But　he　was　my　first　love。　And　that’s　hard　to　get　over。”

Dan　nodded；　staring　straight　ahead　at　the　dark　road；　thinking　of　Vanessa。　The　snow　had　finally　stopped　and　the　roads　were　plowed；　but　they　were　pletely　empty。　It　was　like　the　whole　world　was　drinking　eggnog　and　counting　down　to　midnight　somewhere。　“I　get　it。”　It　had　taken　him　two　years　to　get　over　her。　And　then；　with　one　text　message；　suddenly　it　felt　like　she　was　back　in　his　life。

“I　love　you；”　Serena　said；　her　voice　catching　in　her　throat。

All　of　a　sudden；　Dan　started　laughing。　“If　we　got　through　this　weekend；　we　can　get　through　anything。”

Serena　smiled。　Soon　they’d　be　back　in　New　York；　back　to　their　real　lives；　and　this　would　all　feel　like　a　dream。

Doesn’t　she　mean　nightmare？

“Vanessa；　I　need　you　to　really　flambé　the　soufflé。　Humphrey　tradition；”　Rufus　roared。　A　plastic　top　hat　that　read　NEW　YEAR’S　EVE　in　silver　foil　letters　was　perched　on　his　grizzly　salt…and…pepper　hair；　and　he　wore　a　T…shirt　with　a　cartoon　of　reindeer　sitting　on　a　couch　drinking　beers。

Vanessa　used　a　match　to　set　the　chocolate　soufflé　on　fire。　It　felt　good　to　be　surrounded　by　noise　and　people　after　so　many　weeks　of　silently　hanging　around　the　loft。　Rufus’s　friends　were　sitting　on　the　couch；　drinking　vodka　and　grumbling　about　munism　versus　Marxism。　None　of　them　had　even　asked　who　she　was　or　why　she　was　here。　Rufus　had　opened　the　door　as　if　he’d　been　expecting　her。　He’d　told　her　that　Dan；　Serena；　and　Jenny　were　snowbound　in　Rhode　Island；　and　that　he　was　glad　to　have　some　young　blood　in　the　house。　That　was　hours　ago；　and　since　then　she’d　perfected　Rufus’s　recipe。

Suddenly；　the　door　opened　and　Dan　and　Serena　tumbled　in；　holding　hands；　snowflakes　dusting　their　hair。

“Look　who’s　here！”　Rufus　cried　proudly；　gesturing　to　Vanessa　as　if　he’d　made　her　appear　by　magic。

Dan’s　gaze　shifted　from　Serena　to　Vanessa。　“I’m　so　sorry；　I　didn’t　mean　to　intrude；”　Vanessa　said　hastily。　She　was　still　holding　her　wooden　soufflé　spoon；　and　set　it　down　on　the　counter。　“It’s　just…　Hollis　and　I　broke　up　and　Ruby　has；　like；　seventeen　houseguests。”　Vanessa　wiped　her　hands　on　her　apron。　“But　I　can　leave；”　she　added　helplessly。　Why　did　she　think　it　was　a　good　idea　to　barge　back　into　Dan’s　life？　Why　had　she　thought　the　texts　from　last　night　meant　anything　at　all？

Dan　dropped　Serena’s　hand。　It　was　so　strange；　and　yet　so　familiar；　to　see　Vanessa　here；　in　his　kitchen。　Her　dark　hair　was　shoulder　length　and　choppy；　and　she　wore　a　pair　of　tight　jeans　and　a　white　tank　top　underneath　his　dad’s　dorky　Kiss　the　Cook　apron。　Her　milky　white　skin　contrasted　with　her　jet…black　hair。　He’d　forgotten　how　beautiful　she　was。

“Sorry　to　hear　that；”　Serena　said；　an　edge　to　her　voice。　It　was　too　bad　that　Vanessa　had　broken　up　with　her　boyfriend；　but　why　was　she　so　fortable　crashing　at　Dan’s？

Asks　the　girl　who　breaks　and　enters　Newport　summer　homes。

“Thanks。　At　least　I’m　earning　my　keep；”　Vanessa　cracked；　pointing　to　the　charred　soufflé。

Dan　smiled。　Vanessa　had　always　been　a　good　sport　about　his　dad’s　experimental　cooking。　It　was　nice　to　have　her　here　again；　back　at　their　apartment。　It　felt　like　home。

“So…”　Vanessa　trailed　off。　“Is　it　okay　if　I　stay？”

Dan　looked　straight　at　Vanessa　as　if　he　hadn’t　heard。　“You　can　always　stay；”　he　said　softly。　Vanessa　smiled　back；　nodding　her　head；　a　slight　blush　creeping　over　her　cheeks。

“Right；　sure。　Of　course；”　Serena　said　sulkily；　sitting　down　at　the　kitchen　counter。　Above　her；　the　cuckoo　clock　struck　midnight；　its　lilting；　carefree　chirp　seeming　to　mock　her。　It　might　be　a　new　year；　but　she　felt　like　she’d　experienced　this　all　before。

Two　girls；　one　guy；　and　New　Year’s　Eve…　Talk　about　déjà　vu。

IV

hey　people！

Only　six　more　months　until　we’re　out　in　the　real　world；　and　the　signs　are　everywhere。　Theory　suits　and　Prada　pumps　scream　“signing　bonuses。”　The　student　center　is　packed　with　seniors　writing　Fulbright　grant　proposals　to　study　contemporary　indigenous　literature　in　Canada；　applying　to　grad　school；　or　creating　a　backpacking…through…Latin…America