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第37部分（第1页）

rlotte　docked　in　Newport；　and　it　wasn’t　snowing　that　hard。

Nate　ran　up　to　the　attic；　grabbed　his　black　Lacroix　wallet　from　the　oak　dresser；　and　shoved　it　in　the　back　pocket　of　his　khakis。　He　picked　up　what　few　things　he　had　with　him；　shrugged　on　his　coat；　and　made　for　the　door。

When　he　opened　it；　he　found　Jenny　standing　there。

“It’s　not　a　good　time；”　he　mumbled；　trying　to　sidestep　her。　“I’m　leaving。”

Jenny　stayed　where　she　was；　blocking　his　path。　“I　want　to　go　with　you；　Nate；”　she　said；　her　large　brown　eyes　wide　and　pleading。　“Please？”

“I’m　not　going　back　to　New　York。　I’m　taking　my　dad’s　boat　and　heading　up　to　Maine；”　Nate　invented。　He　wasn’t　sure　where　to　go；　but　he　knew　he　needed　to　get　far　away　from　here。

“I’ve　never　been　to　Maine。”　Jenny　offered　a　small　smile。　“I　know　you　didn’t　hook　up　with　Blair　or　Serena。　I　know　you’re　different。　And…”　She　paused　and　looked　shyly　at　the　ground。　She　was　wearing　her　red　coat　and　hunter　green　galoshes；　and　looked　adorably　Christmasy。　“I　really　want　to　be　with　you。”

Jenny　bit　her　pink　bottom　lip　as　she　waited　for　his　answer。　Her　sophomore　year　at　Waverly；　she’d　been　in　a　love　triangle　of　her　own；　locked　in　a　vicious　battle　with　her　roommate　over　Easy　Walsh；　a　sweet　boy　from　Tennessee。　True；　Nate　and　Blair　and　Serena　had　known　each　other　for　a　long　time；　and　the　emotions　ran　deep。　But　she　knew　Nate；　and　she　knew　he　had　good　intentions。　She　glanced　up　again　and　met　his　eyes。

Nate　paused；　taking　in　Jenny’s　sweet；　hopeful　expression。　He　could　still　hear　Blair　and　Serena’s　shrieks　from　downstairs。　But　Jenny…　Jenny　didn’t　look　like　she’d　yell　at　anyone。

“Are　you　sure？”　he　asked　finally。

Jenny　nodded。　“There　are　stairs　over　there。”　She　pointed　to　the　service　entrance　she’d　found　this　morning　when　trying　to　sneak　back　down　to　her　room。

Nate　nodded　slowly。　They　were　only　about　a　mile　from　the　harbor。　They　could　walk。　“Let’s　go。”

They　do　say　that　every　ending　is　a　beginning　of　sorts。

the　end　of　innocence

Blair　threw　herself　facedown　on　her　dad’s　bed　and　let　out　a　wail。

“Bear？”　Harold　emerged　from　the　bathroom；　tying　a　robe　around　his　waist。　He　perched　on　the　side　of　the　bed　and　rubbed　Blair’s　back。　“Giles　and　I　heard　you　while　we　were　in　the　hot　tub。　Are　you　okay？”

“My　whole　fucking　life　sucks；”　Blair　said；　her　voice　muffled　by　the　thick　goose…down　forter。

“Talk　to　me；”　Harold　said；　sinking　down　beside　her　on　the　bed。

Blair　sat　up。　“It’s　Nate；”　she　said　between　choking　sobs。　She　caught　a　glimpse　of　her　reflection　in　the　mirrors　her　dad　had　creepily　installed　all　around　the　bed。　Her　face　was　splotchy　and　her　eyelashes　were　clumped　together；　wet　with　tears。　She　looked　like　a　scared　little　girl。　“Whenever　he　es　into　my　life；　I　do　stupid　things。　Now　Chuck　hates　me；　I　hate　Serena；　and　everything’s　all　fucked　up；”　she　said　as　she　burst　into　a　fresh　sob。

“Bear；”　Harold　said　seriously；　“right　now　there’s　a　man　in　this　house　who　is　still　here；　who　loves　you；　who　gives　you　New　Year’s　Eve　presents。”　Harold　smiled　and　placed　his　hand　on　the　enamel　bracelet　around　Blair’s　wrist。　“It’s　a　great　time　for　a　fresh　start。　Go　tell　him　that　you’re　confused。　Everyone　makes　mistakes；”　he　added　tenderly。

Blair　looked　skeptically　at　her　father。　She’d　never　gotten　love　advice　from　him　before。　But　he　made　a　good　point。　Chuck　knew　better　than　anyone　that　people　changed。　Even　her。　“Thanks；　Daddy；”　Blair　said；　rising。

She　wiped　her　tears　with　the　back　of　her　hand　and　headed　down　to　the　kitchen。　Chuck　was　sitting　at　the　island；　looking　at　the　financial　section　of　the　The　Wall　Street　Journal。　It　was　obvious　he　wasn’t　reading　anything。

“Hi；”　Blair　said　in　a　small　voice。

“Hi。”　Chuck　stood　up。　He　kept　his　arms　at　his　sides。

Blair　took　a　deep　breath。　“I’m　so　sorry。　I　wasn’t　going　up　there　to　sleep　with　Nate。　I　mean；　I　just…　I　don’t　know　what　I　was　doing。　It’s　like；　whenever　he　and　Serena　are　around　I　act　like　this　person　who　I　don’t　even　like；”　Blair　confessed　in　a　rush　of　words。　It　felt　good　to　say　it　out　loud。　“But　I’m　in　love　with　you。　I　know　that。”　Blair　sucked　in　her　breath　and　her　nose　made　a　loud　snot…sucking　sound。

Chuck　pulled　Blair　into　his　arms　and　tenderly　pushed　her　hair　off　her　face。　“I　love　you　too；”　he　said　simply。　“And　I　know　you。”

Blair　resisted　the　urge　to　look　away　from　Chuck’s　brown　eyes。　It　was　true。　He’d　known　her　in　high　school；　when　she　used　to　lock　herself　in　bathrooms　to　throw　up；　when　she　and　Serena　would　put　fake　tattoos　on　their　butt　cheeks　and　go　out　underwearless　in　too…short　dresses；　when　she　would　get　ridiculously　drunk　on　pink　drinks　at　the　Tribeca　Star。　And　he　knew　her　now。　He　knew　how　she　took　her　coffee；　where　she　liked　to　study；　what　she　looked　like　when　she　woke　up　in　the　morning。　He　knew　what　she　needed　on　a　rainy　day　and　on　a　sunny　one。

“Can　we　start　the　day　over　again？”　Blair　asked。　Chuck　pulled　her　close　to　him。

“Yes；”　he　breathed　into　her　hair。　“We　can。　And　tomorrow；　it’ll　be　a　new　year。”

Blair　nestled　into　his　broad；　strong　chest。　Maybe　if　she　stayed　here；　close　and　safe　with　Chuck；　everything　would　be　okay。　Maybe　she’d　never　have　to　think　about　Nate　and　Serena　again。

Or　maybe　avoidance　can’t　solve　all　your　problems。

where　do　you　go　when　you’re　lonely？