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第17部分（第1页）

It　was　already　after　eleven；　and　the　suite　was　filled　with　guys　in　khakis　and　wrinkled　button…downs　and　girls　in　tight　dresses　or　bikinis。　Everyone　looked　like　they　were　trying　to　look　fifteen　years　old。

You　never　can　go　back。

“How　are　you？”　Serena　exclaimed　eagerly　as　she　plopped　on　the　couch　next　to　Isabel。　“How’s　Casey？”　she　asked；　remembering　the　name　of　Isabel’s　lesbian　lover　from　last　year。

“Oh。”　Isabel　turned　bright　red。　“I　have　no　idea。　I’m　actually　dating　this　guy　named　Chad；”　she　announced　as　she　pretended　not　to　stare　jealously　at　Serena’s　legs。　Serena　was　wearing　a　denim　miniskirt　she’d　fashioned　out　of　a　pair　of　ancient　Sevens　and　an　extra…large　Marc　by　Marc　Jacobs　sweater。　On　anyone　else；　the　outfit　would　have　looked　sloppy。　On　Serena；　it　looked　stunning。

Of　course。

“How　are　you？”　Laura　cooed；　as　if　she　hadn’t　been　gossiping　about　her　just　moments　before。　She　grabbed　Serena’s　long　blond　hair　and　bed　her　manicured　fingernails　through　it　enviously。　“Are　these　extensions？”

“No。　Love　your　hair　though。　It’s　such　a　pretty　shade　of　red；”　Serena　lied。　Laura’s　normally　brown　hair　had　been　dyed　an　unnatural　Hawaiian　Punch　color。　“I　haven’t　been　to　a　salon　in　forever。”

“Are　you　working　on　a　movie？”　Rain　asked；　wrinkling　her　ski…jump　nose；　which　now　had　a　small　scar　from　where　her　nose　piercing　had　been。

“No。　I’m　not　sure　I　really　want　to　do　movies　anymore。”　Serena　shrugged。　She　hadn’t　acted　since　Coffee　at　the　Palace；　and　had　decided　to　take　a　break　for　the　foreseeable　future。　The　only　problem　was；　she　wasn’t　sure　what　she　wanted　to　do　now。　Part　of　her　was　thinking　about　going　back　to　school—she　had　only　deferred　from　Yale　and　could　still　go　if　she　wanted　to—but　the　idea　of　sitting　in　a　classroom　seemed　so　confining。　She’d　taken　a　couple　of　acting　classes　at　a　downtown　studio　that　Thad　had　raved　about；　but　they’d　mostly　consisted　of　pantomiming　dreams　from　the　night　before。　No；　thank　you。

Especially　not　when　most　of　her　dreams　involve　a　certain　someone。

“Is　it　because　of　the　reviews？”　Laura　took　a　swig　of　her　cranberry　vodka。

Serena　stiffened　and　suddenly　wished　she’d　made　herself　a　drink　before　she　sat　down　with　her　old　friends。　The　reviews　for　Coffee　at　the　Palace　had　been　less　than　stellar；　though　the　New　York　Times　had　called　Serena　a　breath　of　fresh　air。　But　it　was　conversations　like　this　that　made　Serena　hate　acting。　She　loved　being　in　front　of　the　camera；　but　she　hated　all　the　drama　that　went　on　when　the　cameras　weren’t　rolling。　She　never　set　foot　in　anywhere　trendy；　because　she　hated　getting　followed　by　paparazzi　and　having　her　picture　taken　with　camera　phones。　It　was　so　silly　to　get　that　kind　of　attention　when　she　wasn’t　doing　anything。

“I’ve　been　reading　a　lot　of　Thomas　Mann　lately；”　Serena　said；　changing　the　subject。　“I　just　finished　The　Magic　Mountain。　With　everyone　else　in　school；　I　don’t　want　to　fall　behind；”　she　added。　She　was　greeted　by　silence。

“Well；　what　classes　do　you　guys　take？”　Serena　prodded。　It　had　never　been　hard　for　her　to　make　conversation；　but　now；　among　the　girls　she’d　known　since　kindergarten；　she　had　no　idea　what　to　say。　She　awkwardly　crossed　one　leg　over　the　other。

“I　don’t　even　know；”　Isabel　giggled。　“I　spend　all　my　time　with　my　boyfriend。　I　do　his　Influential　Movies　of　the　’80s　homework　sometimes。　His　football　schedule　is　really　demanding；”　she　explained；　brushing　her　long　dark　hair　off　her　shoulder　self…importantly。

“Oh。”　Serena　didn’t　know　what　else　to　say。　Since　when　did　Isabel　do　someone　else’s　homework？　Serena　used　to　always　beg　to　borrow　Isabel’s　calc　problem　sets。

“I　take　golf；”　Rain　yelled　over　the　awful　MadonnaBritney　remix　that　boomed　through　the　room；　courtesy　of　the　giggling　L’école　sophomores　huddled　around　the　Bose　sound　dock　near　the　bar。　“I’m　pretty　good。”

Serena　nodded。　Were　they　serious？　Was　that　what　college　was　about？　At　Constance；　they’d　all　taken　Latin　and　physics　and　AP　French。　Sure；　they’d　plained　about　it；　but　deep　down；　they　all　knew　it　was　important　to　do　well　in　high　school　so　they’d　get　into　a　good　college　and　succeed　in　life。　But　the　classes　they　were　taking　now　sounded　like　a　joke。

“Okay；”　Serena　trailed　off　uncertainly。　She　was　used　to　being　the　life　of　the　party；　but　now　she　felt　like　that　awkward　guest　who　people　only　talked　to　out　of　a　sense　of　obligation。　“Does　anyone　else　need　a　drink？”　she　asked；　not　bothering　to　wait　for　an　answer。

Serena　hugged　her　arms　against　her　chest　as　she　walked　over　to　the　bar。　Didn’t　they　say　that　people　grew　apart　after　high　school？　Maybe　it　was　natural　to　not　have　anything　in　mon　once　you　no　longer　shared　terrible　teachers　and　lunchtime　gossip。　She’d　fallen　out　of　touch　with　her　actress　friends—Alysia　was　engaged　to　some　B…list　actor；　Alison　was　pregnant；　and　Amanda　was　in　rehab。　Besides；　she　kind　of　hated　going　to　Hollywood　parties。　The　people　there　only　cared　about　themselves　and　their　careers。　Right　now；　she’d　give　anything　just　to　talk　to　someone　who　actually　knew　her。　But　the　only　people　who　did　were　her　brother　Erik；　Blair；　and　Nate。　Erik　was　spending　the　holidays　in　Australia　with　his　girlfriend；　Blair　hated　her；　and　who　even　knew　if　she’d　ever　see　Nate　again？　The　last　she’d　heard；　Nate　was　at　that　same　crazy　farm　school　as　Chuck。　She’d　tried　to　write　him　e…mails；　but　always　deleted　them　before　she　hit　send。　She　wanted　to　tell　him　she　understood　why　he　freaked　out　last　year；　but　could　never　find　the　words。　She　wanted　to　let　him　know　that　she　was　sorry；　that　she　never　meant　to　hurt　him；　and　that　it　was　fine　if　he　never　wanted　to　be　together。　But　she　needed　to　be　friends　with　him—somehow。　She　couldn’t　imagine　her　life　without　Nate　in　it。

“Serena！”　Kati　Farkas　cried　from　the　other　end　of　the　bar。　“Did　you　break　up　with　Breckin　O’Dell？”

Serena　tried　to　smile。　It　was　going　to　be　a　long　evening。

The　best　ones　always　are。

Serena　took　the　bottle　of　Ketel　on　the　bar　counter；　splashed　it　liberally　in　a　Riedel　glass；　then　topped　it　with　a　thin　layer　of　cranberry　juice。　Maybe　a　drink　would　help　her　feel　better。　She　took　an　unhappy　sip　and　scanned　the　room。

Which　was　when　she　saw　him—all　five　feet；　ten　inches　of　tall；　honey　gold　hair；　glittering　green…eyed　goodness。　He　wore　a　dark　blue　overcoat　and　looked　out　of　place　in　the　overheated　suite。

Serena　held　on　to　the　granite　bar　for　support。　Around　her　L’école　girls　were　passing　around　a　joint　and　laughing。　She　felt　like　she　was　going　to　faint。　She　had　to　talk　to　him；　but　what　if　he　didn’t　want　to　talk　to　her？　Or　worse；　what　if　he　was　just　polite？　What　if　he　talked　to　her　like　she’d　been　his　high　school　lab　partner？