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第12部分（第1页）

Around　them；　tourists　craned　their　necks　to　see　what　was　going　on。　One　paunchy　man　had　even　pulled　out　his　camera　phone　and　was　filming　the　whole　incident。　Blair　wanted　to　yell　at　everyone　to　go　away。　She　gazed　into　Pete’s　ocean　blue　eyes；　unsure　of　what　to　do。　She　knew　she　didn’t　want　to　touch　the　ring。　She　couldn’t。

“Thanks；”　she　began　weakly；　forcing　a　smile　at　the　customers　surrounding　her。　Four　years　ago；　Nate　had　bought　her　an　ugly　gold　heart　on　a　plain　black　cord。　She’d　hated　the　necklace。　She　loved　this　ring。　But　somehow；　it　wasn’t　to　be。

She　shut　the　jewelry　box　with　a　deliberate　snap。　“I　can’t。”　Her　voice　broke　on　the　last　word。　“I　just　can’t。”　Then　she　turned　and　walked　out　the　revolving　door；　not　looking　back　to　see　the　heartbroken　look　on　his　face。

Breakup　at　Tiffany’s？

it’s　not　acting　if　it’s　the　truth

“Cut；　cut；　cut！”　Ken　Mogul　yelled；　his　bloodshot　blue　eyes　bugging　from　his　head。　He　threw　his　bullhorn　down；　where　it　clattered　on　the　soundstage。

It　was　the　last　week　of　filming　Coffee　at　the　Palace；　the　much…anticipated　sequel　to　Breakfast　at　Fred’s。　They　were　on　a　set　in　Queens　designed　to　look　like　a　large　New　York　City　hotel　penthouse　that　opened　onto　a　rooftop　garden。　Thaddeus　placed　his　hands　on　Serena’s　tanned　shoulders　protectively。　They’d　worked　long　enough　with　Ken　as　a　director　to　know　that　once　he　started　throwing　things；　he　rarely　stopped　with　one　object。

As　long　as　he　doesn’t　move　on　to　the　talent；　they’ll　be　fine。

“Serena；　for　fuck’s　sake；　you’re　supposed　to　be　Holly。　Goddamn　Holly　who’s　in　love　with　her　goddamn　husband　but　is　tormented　by　the　memory　of　her　goddamn　ex…lover；　whom　she’s　supposed　to　be　fucking　seeing　in　five　minutes　for　coffee。　Where　the　holy　fucking　hell　is　the　passion？”　Ken　screamed；　his　freckled　face　turning　as　red　as　his　curly　shoulder…length　hair。

“Sorry；”　Serena　sighed；　pulling　anxiously　on　the　sleeve　of　her　vintage　black　and　white　wool　Givenchy　dress。　It　had　been　a　long　morning。　Really；　it　had　been　a　long　week。　Nate　had　hardly　said　two　words　to　Serena　at　brunch　the　other　day。　And　the　only　words　Blair　had　said　to　her　since　then　were　about　Nate。

“Okay。　Let’s　start　all　over　again。　Take！”　Ken　screamed　loudly；　his　voice　cracking　up　an　octave。

“I　love　you。”　Serena　concentrated　on　Thad’s　large；　wide…set；　I’m　pletely　gay　eyes。　“There’s　never　been　anyone　else。　My　dreams　didn’t　lie。　Even　when　I　sleep　next　to　you；　I　dream　about　you。”

“CUT！”　Ken　shrieked　angrily。　“You　sound　like　you’re　talking　to　your　goddamn　guinea　pig。　Who　the　fuck　cares　if　you　love　him？　I　don’t。　Anyone？　Anyone　on　set？”　One　timid；　owlish…looking　assistant　raised　her　hand。　Ken　held　up　his　clipboard　as　if　he　were　going　to　throw　it。　“Great。　Fucking　Mousy　Girl　over　there　will　net　our　film　ten　dollars。　Off　my　set！”　he　yelled　theatrically　as　the　terrified…looking　assistant　scampered　away。　Ken　cradled　his　head　in　his　hands　and　sighed。

“You　okay？”　Thad　whispered。　Serena　nodded；　but　she　could　feel　beads　of　anxious　sweat　creep　down　her　spine。　She　took　a　seat　on　a　peach　jacquard–covered　wingback　chair　in　the　corner。　A　makeup　assistant　immediately　scurried　up　and　dabbed　powder　on　her　forehead。

“Okay；”　Thaddeus　whispered。　“I　think　you　know　me　too　well。　Forget　about　me　and　just　pretend　you’re　talking　to　the　love　of　your　life。　Listen；　this　is　how　I　would　say　it　if　I　were　talking　to　Serge。”　Thad　turned　toward　Serena　and　closed　his　eyes。

“There’s　never　been　anyone　else；”　Thad　began　dramatically；　opening　his　eyes　once　more　and　gazing　at　Serena；　as　if　he　wasn’t　sure　if　she　were　real　or　a　figment　of　his　imagination。　“My　dreams　didn’t　lie。　Even　when　I　sleep　next　to　you；　I　dream　about　you。”

Serena　pulled　her　hair　into　a　tight　ponytail　at　the　crown　of　her　head。　It　was　sweet　of　him　to　try　to　help；　but　it　was　useless。　“I　don’t　love　anyone　that　way；”　she　cut　him　off。　In　this　scene；　Holly　was　supposed　to　recognize　that　the　only　person　she　really　loved　was　her　husband。　That；　no　matter　what；　and　no　matter　how　many　stupid　things　he　did；　he　was　the　only　person　who　could　ever　make　her　feel　happy　and　plete。

She　sighed　and　leaned　back　into　the　wingback　chair。　She　wished　she；　and　not　her　alter　ego；　Holly；　was　face…to…face　with　the　man　of　her　dreams。　She　wished　the　wind　was　blowing　through　her　hair　and　that　she　was　holding　a　real　drink　instead　of　a　seltzer　mixed　with　food　coloring。　She　wished　she　was　out　on　a　sailboat；　in　the　middle　of　the　deep　navy　ocean；　under　the　wide　blue　sky；　with　him。

She　wished　she　was　with　Nate。

Serena　felt　a　sob　rise　in　her　throat。

“Don’t　worry　about　the　scene　for　right　now。　Is　everything　okay？”　Thaddeus　asked　in　concern　as　he　perched　on　the　arm　of　her　chair。

“Okay；　princesses；　teatime’s　over。　Let’s　work。　My　sanity’s　at　stake。”　Ken　rolled　his　eyes。

Serena　stood　up；　crossed　toward　the　camera；　and　blinked　at　what　was　supposed　to　be　the　Hudson　River　in　front　of　her。　She　imagined　Nate；　far　away；　on　a　sailboat；　a　tiny　dot　in　the　middle　of　the　ocean。　She　turned　her　head；　her　chin　grazing　her　tanned；　bare　shoulder。　“I　love　you。　I　always　have。”　She　brushed　a　lock　of　hair　out　of　Thaddeus’s　eyes；　the　way　she　used　to　after　she’d　hugged　a　sweaty　and　disheveled　Nate　when　he’d　just　won　a　St。　Jude’s　lacrosse　game。　“I’d　never　leave　you。　Sometimes　I　wake　up　and　I　think　I　must　be　dreaming。　I　love　you　so　much。　Just—make　me　the　happiest　girl　ever　and　love　me　back。”　A　single　tear　trickled　down　her　cheek。　“Please？”

“And；　cut！”　Ken　stood　up；　waving　his　stubby　hands　wildly　in　excitement。　“Fucking　brilliant；　Serena。　Love　the　way　you　went　off　script　there。　You　put　me　through　the　fucking　wringer　so　you　can　show　that　shit　off？　That’s　my　girl！”　He　grabbed　Serena’s　waist　and　awkwardly　spun　her　around。　“We’ve　got　a　fucking　hit　on　our　hands　if　you　keep　it　up。　Now；　let’s　get　back　into　the　next　scene。　Coast　on　this　moment　of　brilliance。”

Serena　shook　her　head　definitively。　She　needed　to　say　those　words　to　the　one　person　who　mattered。　She　needed　to　find　Nate。　Maybe　he　was　in　love　with　Blair。　But　she　couldn’t　ever　be　happy　unless　he　knew　how　she　felt。

“I　can’t！”　Serena　told　him。　She　didn’t　care　if　she　got　fired。　Who　cared　about　Holly？　Serena’s　life　was　real。　And　it　was　time　she　stopped　pretending。