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第88部分（第1页）

f　mine　and　find　all　Earth’s　desire。　Drink！　Drink　of　the　Mysteries　from　the　cup　of　this　rich　heart　of　mine　and　learn　what　Life　can　be。　Sleep！　Sleep　and　dream　of　naught　but　me　on　this　kind　breast　of　mine　which　shall　breathe　for　you　alone　until　the　Night　forgets　her　stars。’”

“Touch　not；　taste　not；　handle　not；”　answers　the　cold　stern　Law。　“Pass　on；　she　is　not　thine。”

Often　enough　it　is　Nature　that　prevails　and；　having　eaten　of　the　apple　that　She；　our　Mother；　gives　us；　we　desire　no　other　fruit。　But　always　the　end　is　the　same：　its　sweetness　turns　to　gravel　in　our　mouth。　Shame　es；　sorrow　es；　e　death　and　separations。　And；　greater　than　all　of　these；　remorse　rises　in　the　after　years　and　stands　over　us　at　night；　since；　when　our　eyes　are　no　longer　clouded　with　the　mists　of　passion；　we　see　and　bewail　our　wickedness。

For　sin　has　this　quality。　Like　some　bare；　black　peak　in　a　plain　of　flowers　it　dominates　all　our　landscape。　However　far　we　wander　never　can　we　escape　the　sight　of　it。　Our　virtues；　such　as　they　may　be；　are　dwarfed　and　lost　in　the　dark　shadows　thrown　up　by　our　towering　crime。　True　and　honest　love　of　wife　and　child；　unceasing　thought　for　others；　vicarious　sufferings　on　behalf　of　others；　often　sharp　enough　to　sadden；　whatever　kind　deeds　and　charities　may　lie　within　our　power；　the　utter　and　heartfelt　forgiveness　of　all　who　have　wronged　us；　the　struggles　that　we　made　as　the　snare　closed　round　us；　the　memories　of　those　keen　temptations　from　which　we　have　escaped　—　it　will　be　noted　that　these　are　ever　of　a　sort　to　appeal　to　whatever　sin　doth　so　easily　beset　us　—　high　friendships　well　deserved；　fair　fame　well　won；　duty　well　done；　such　are　the　flowers　upon　the　plain　we　travel。　Yet　we　forget　them；　we　do　not　even　note　them；　because　of　that　black　mount　of　evil　which　our　stained　hands　piled　and　the　icy　gloom　it　throws。　Never；　never　can　we　be　free　of　it　till　prayer　has　brought　unfeigned　repentance；　and　these；　hand　in　hand；　have　led　us　on　to　Faith；　and　Faith；　opening　her　door；　has　shown　us　the　far…off　glory　of　Forgiveness；　which　glory；　growing　ever　brighter；　falls　at　length　upon　our　heads　in　blessing　and；　when　we　turn　our　dazzled　eyes　to　seek　the　familiar　mount　of　shame　—　lo！　it　is　gone。

The　third　head；　that　of　the　necessity　of　repentance；　needs　no　elaboration。　Of　it　I　have　already　said　enough。　If　we　have　forgotten　out　Creator　in　the　days　of　our　youth　—　or　even　of　our　age　—　let　us　at　least　obey　the　cry　of　His　Messengers；　and　repent；　repent　while　there　is　yet　time。　“The　Promises　are　sure　if　only　we　will　believe”　were　the　last　words　of　my　friend；　the　aged　William　Booth　—　very　true　words。　And　of　these　promises　perhaps　the　greatest　and　the　happiest　for　man　is　that　of　full　and　free　forgiveness　to　those　who　kneel　and　from　the　heart　will　say；　“Father；　I　have　sinned。　Father；　forgive！”

But　to　do　this　we　must　have　Faith。　When　Faith　fails　there　is　nought　but　blackness　in　which　we　wander　helplessly　and　in　vain。　Even　our　Lord　（as　I　venture　to　think；　and　I　know　one　very　learned　bishop　who　agrees　with　me）　as　a　man　perhaps　walked　the　world　more　by　Faith　than　by　knowledge。　It　may　be　that　this　was　the　heaviest　of　His　temptations　—　the　temptation　to　admit　some　creeping　doubt　into　His　own　mission　and　Divinity。　If　so　we　can　well　understand　the　full　magnificence　of　His　sacrifice　and　the　glory　of　His　triumph。　Once；　indeed；　in　the　moment　of　agony　and　mortal　weakness　that　Doubt　seems　to　have　conquered　Him：　I　mean　in　the　cry　upon　the　Cross；　“My　God！　My　God！　Why　hast　Thou　forsaken　Me？”

If　this　be　so　let　us　take　fort；　since　where　He　seems　to　have　failed；　how　can　we；　His　poor　servants；　always　expect　to　succeed？　“Lord；　I　believe；　help　Thou　my　unbelief！”　Such　should　be　our　daily　petition；　which　will　not　go　unheeded。

The　shores　of　India　draw　near；　and　I　have　finished　the　sermon　which　something　has　prompted　me　to　write；　whereof　I　will　say　that；　however　much　it　may　be　mocked　at；　I　hope　at　least　it　can　do　no　harm　in　the　after　years。　It　is　the　only　one　I　ever　posed　or　shall　pose；　and　brief；　bare　as　it　is；　it　has　taken　me　half　a　lifetime　to　think　out　its　underlying　principles。　（How　do　clergymen　succeed　in　evolving　one　or　two　on　every　Sunday　of　their　active　lives；　I　wonder！）

What　is　the　sum　of　it　all？　This。　That　my　spiritual　experience　leads　me　to　take　a　higher　view　of　man　than　that　which　declares　him　to　be　but　a　physical　accident。　That；　through　all　the　winds　and　weeping　of　this　rough　world；　I　hear　the　whisper　of　the　still；　small　voice　of　God　directing　us　from　on　high。　That；　by　the　gift　of　His　Christ　（and　mayhap　in　many　another　way）；　He　has　provided　a　means　of　Redemption　for　every　soul　that　breathes　in　flesh。　That；　however　often　they　may　fail　or　stumble；　He　will　love　and　save　those　who　try　to　love　and　obey　Him　as　they　understand　Him。　That　those　who　reject　Him　must　themselves　run　a　risk　of　rejection　and　of　darkness；　since；　if　we　choose　Death；　Death　will　be　given　to　us。　Whatever　good　thing　we　desire　we　may　have；　but　to　have　we　must　desire。　That　He　will　forgive　all；　whatever　be　their　sins；　who　strive　to　believe　and　yearn　to　be　forgiven。　That　He；　or　His　Messengers；　will　fort　us　in　our　dark；　ultimate　hour　of　mortal　agony　（may　it　prove　short　and　sudden！）　and　awful　death　sleep；　and　be　with　us　in　the　light　of　the　last　Awakening。　That　He　will　lead　us　to　our　lost　ones；　who　are　dearer　to　us　than　life；　in　the　home　He　has　prepared　for　us　and　those　who　wish　to　dwell　there　in　our　pany　and；　from　Eternity　to　Eternity；　in　some　place　where　sin　and　Satan　do　not　e；　will　wipe　all　tears　from　off　our　faces。　That　in　due　season　He　will　gather　to　us　those　other　dear　ones　whom　we　have　loved　upon　the　earth　and　who　do　not　forget　us　although　we　have　been　borne　away。　That；　if　it　pleases　Him　to　touch　us　with　His　Fire　on　the　lips　and　give　us　back　our　whitened　spirits；　filled　with　the　fulness　of　individual　life；　at　His　unending　tasks　and　service　in　other　Worlds　or　Heavens　we　shall　grow　ever　brighter　and　more　glorious　until；　spheres　and　aeons　hence；　after　this　earth　where　we　have　no　abiding　city　has　bee　to　us　but　a　troubled　dream；　though　we　be　still　very　far　away；　at　length　we　approach　to　the　Divinity　of　Christ’s　own　perfect　nature。　That　all　Love　is　immortal。　It　is　God’s　light　permeating　the　universe；　and　therefore　incapable　of　diminution　or　decay。　That　Christianity　is　true；　although　I　do　not　understand　and　have　no　right　as　yet　to　expect　to　understand　the　origin　of　its　mysteries　or　the　reason　of　the　necessity　for　its　great　Sacrifice。　Its　fruits　upon　earth　alone　suffice　to　show　that　it　is　true；　since　by　the　fruit　it　bears　must　every　tree　be　judged。　That　the　heart　of　Faith　is　Christ；　and　that　to　His　Cross　I　cling。

Such　are　the　conclusions　—　old　conclusions；　but　none　the　worse　for　that；　since　each　soul　must　find　them　for　itself　—　reached　during　the　lifetime　of　a　storm…driven；　wayward　man　with　too　much　heart；　perhaps；　for　happiness　here　below；　who　yet；　he　trusts；　is　not　altogether　bad。　For　if　he　be　bad　why；　from　his　mother　on；　should　so　many　of　his　panions　in　this　winter　pilgrimage　have　been　moved　to　love　him　well　—　as　he　prays　that；　notwithstanding　all　his　errors；　God　does　also　and　will　do　for　aye！　Amen。

Chapter　24　APPENDIX

＇The　following　speech　was　delivered　to　the　Canadian　Club；　in　the　Russell　House；　Ottawa；　in　March　1905；　when　Sir　Rider　Haggard　（at　that　time　Mr。　H。　Rider　Haggard）　was　in　Canada　as　missioner　appointed　by　the　Colonial　Office。　His　instructions　were　to　visit　and　report　on　Labour　Colonies　established　in　the　U。S。A。　by　the　Salvation　Army。　After　inspecting　them　he　was　to　proceed　to　Ottawa　and　discuss　the　subject　with　Earl　Grey；　then　Governor…General　of　Canada。

Sir　Rider　wished　this　speech　to　be　inserted　as　an　appendix　to　“The　Days　of　My　Life；”　as　it　gives　the　essence　of　his　views　on　the　subject　of　the　settlement　of　the　surplus　town　population　of　Great　Britain　on　the　unoccupied　land　of　the　empire；　a　subject　to　which　he　devoted　so　much　time　and　energy。

mander　Booth　Tucker；　of　the　Salvation　Army；　was　with　Sir　Rider　on　this　occasion；　and　also　spoke。　There　was　a　record　attendance　of　members　of　the　Canadian　Club；　Mr。　W。　L。　Mackenzie　King　（Prime　Minister　of　the　Dominion　in　June　1926）　being　in　the　Chair。　—　Ed。＇

I　will　begin　by　making　a　confession。　The　other　day　I　had　the　honour　of　addressing　the　branch　of　your　society　in　Toronto；　and　there；　for　one　solid　half…hour；　did　I　inflict　myself　upon　them。　I　began　to　wonder　how　much　they　would　stand。　Well；　I　sat　down　and　thought　they　must　bless　me　for　doing　so。　The　next　day　I　saw　some　of　the　newspapers；　including　one　which　stated　that　your　humble　servant　had　made　what　they　were　pleased　to　call　a　very　interesting　but　exceedingly　brief　address。　I　thought　to　myself：　If　this　is　called　brief　in　Toronto；　I　wonder　what　is　long。　I　took　a　few　opinions　on　the　point。　I　asked　why　they　called　a　speech　of　that　length　a　brief　one。　My　friend’s　answer　was　that　it　had　to　do　with　your　parliamentary　institutions。　He　told　me　that　it　on　in　your　House　of　mons　throughout　the　country；　for　speeches　to　run　from　two　to　three　hours；　and　therefore　that　is　the　standard　and　model　of　time　by　which　addresses　are　judged。

Now；　gentleman；　I　say　to　you　at　once　that；　high　as　might　be　that　honour　and　greatly　as　I　should　desire　it　in　any　other　circumstances；　I　feel　that　I　should　never　be　petent　to　be　a　member　of　a　House　of　mons　of　which　this　is　true。　Gentlemen；　your　president　has　made　some　very　kind　allusions　to　me　and　to　my　rather　—　what　shall　I　call　it？　—　varied　career。　He　has　spoken；　for　instance；　of　Africa。　Well；　gentlemen；　it　is　true　I　began　my　life　as　a　public　servant　in　Africa；　and　many　wonderful　things　I　saw　there。

I　was　in　at　the　beginning；　so　to　speak；　of　all　the　history　we　are　living　through　today。　I　was　with　Sir　Theophilus　Shepstone　when　we　annexed　the　Transvaal；　as　your　president　says；　I　had　the　honour　of　hoisting　the　flag　of　England　over　it。　Gentlemen；　I　lived；　too；　to　see　the　flag　pulled　down　and　buried。　And　I　tell　you　this　—　and　you；　as　colonists　as　I　was；　will　sympathise　with　me　—　it　was　the　bitterest　hour　of　my　life。　Never　can　any　of　you　in　this　room　realise　the　scene　I　witnessed　upon　the　market…square　of　Newcastle　when　the　news　of　the　surrender　of　Majuba　reached　us。　It　was　a　strange　scene；　it　was　an　awful　scene。　There　was　a　mob　of　about　5；000　men；　many　of　them　loyal　Boers；　many　Englishmen；　soldiers　even；　who　had　broken　from　the　ranks　—　and　they　marched　up　and　down　raving；　yet　weeping　like　children　—　and　swearing　that　whatever　they　were　they　were　no　longer　Englishmen。

That　is　what　I　went　through　in　those　days；　and　I　only　mention　it　to　tell　you　how　I　came　to　leave　South　Africa。　For　I　agreed　that　it　was　no　longer　a　place　for　an　Englishman。　Still；　time　goes　on；　the　wheels　swing　full　circle；　things　change。　I　remember　that　after　that　I　wrote　a　book。　It　was　a　history。　And　in　that　book　I　went　so　far　as　to　say　—　I　remember　it　well；　and　there　it　stands　in　black　and　white　to　be　read　—　that　unless　some　change　occurred；　unless　more　wisdom；　more　patriotism　and　a　different　system　altogether　prevailed　in　African　affairs；　the　result　would　be　a　war　which　would　tax　the　entire　resources　of　the　British　Empire。　Gentlemen；　have　we　not　had　that　war？　And　at　that　time　what　did　they　say？　They　laughed　at　me；　an　unknown　young　man。　And；　years　later；　when　the　war　was　on；　they　dug　up　the　book　a